I don’t know what kind of reaction I was expecting. It wasn’t this. Apparently it was her first time seeing an uncircumcised penis.
“What’s wrong with it?” She was literally recoiling in horror. “Oh god…is it shrinking?”
I leaned back in the car seat, closed my eyes and sighed. “Yeah, I guess it is.”
It was the summer of my sophomore year at a new high school, and the closest I’d come to “getting some.” Ellen, being even less experienced than me, wasn’t really my first choice for lifting my virgin status, but she was cute, curvy and seemed to like me. In all honesty, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t her first choice either. Well, at this point I was very, very sure.
She was quiet for a time. I finally ventured to open one eye. She was still staring at my groin with a look of morbid fascination. Like the way someone might look at the wriggling halves of a severed earthworm. Okay, that was an unfortunate analogy, but there wasn’t much left of my pride or anything else at this point. I sighed again, tucked my shriveled manhood back into my pants and arched my back to zip up.
“I’m not circumcised, Ellen.”
“They usually do it to the baby boys at the hospital. My mother refused to let them do me. All boys are like this until they get cut.”
My blood having been first warmed by passion and then by humiliation, I was sweating like a draft horse in a sauna. The car windows were fogging. I rolled mine down a couple inches. “Can we just change the subject?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–”
“Forget it. It’s okay.”
A pause. “So…what do you want to do now?”
“I dunno. Become a monk, I guess.”
“No, I mean right now.”
I looked over at her in the dim light. She looked so soft, no hard lines. And she smelled really nice, like shampoo and clean laundry. I wanted to put my hands all over her, squish her body against mine. “Wanna grab a bite to eat?” It was the next best thing.
We ordered a couple burgers and Cokes at a drive-thru, then I parked by the basketball court, under the light, and we ate. Ellen pulled a long, limp French fry from the Styrofoam carton and observed it, wagged it back and forth like a metronome.
“Are you really disappointed?” she asked.
“Nah. It’s okay just hanging out with you. You’re not bad company.”
She smiled. “Thanks. Neither are you. Some guys might have taken me home right away.”
“Yeah, well, some guys are jerks.” Not to mention that I had an older brother who made it part of his daily routine to humiliate me. My ego was used to a bruising.
She dipped the fry in ketchup and held it out to me. I ate it from her fingers. No, she really wasn’t bad company.
We finished the food in silence and stuffed all the garbage into the empty cups. As I walked across the court to take it to the overflowing trash can, I thought about the ridiculousness of this rush to have sex. I mean, two and a half more years I’d be in college. There would be mature people there, right? People who wouldn’t give a shit one way or another whether I’d had sex or not. Experienced women who had seen an uncut dick. I could jack off for a couple more years, wondering what it actually felt like to…
Two years seemed to stretch out before me to a vanishing point on the horizon.
I slipped back into the car and took a deep breath. “Guess I better take you home.”
“In a little while.” Ellen scooted closer, close enough for me to smell the ketchup on her breath. She leaned her head on my shoulder, placed a hand on my thigh. A tremor passed from my chest to my crotch. I vowed to ignore it, but turned my head a little to inhale the scent of her hair. I saw that the buttons on her blouse were undone.
“My nipples don’t match,” she whispered.